First Drive: The 2022 Mercedes-Benz EQS450+ Is A Beautiful Electric Porpoise

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Image for article titled First Drive: The 2022 Mercedes-Benz EQS450+ Is A Beautiful Electric Porpoise
Photo: Elizabeth Blackstock

Image for article titled First Drive: The 2022 Mercedes-Benz EQS450+ Is A Beautiful Electric Porpoise
Photo: Elizabeth Blackstock

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I Don’t Know What To Do With All This Tech

My husband used to be a sales associate at a Mercedes-Benz dealership in Montreal, and he’s spent the entire duration of our marriage telling me that no automaker is as luxuriously high-tech as Mercedes. I have never discounted this observation. I’ve just also never felt the need to drive an extremely tech-heavy car. I still have a hard time dealing with a tiny infotainment screen.

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So I think it’s probably a little bit of an understatement to say that the EQS’s offerings are a bit overwhelming. After I laughed out loud at the exterior, I also laughed out loud at the absolutely massive Hyperscreen. I wanted to ask it if it was compensating for something. I wanted to ask why such a cute fella needs such a big screen.

Functionally, the Hyperscreen is great. A single piece of curved glass, it’s a gorgeous feat of technological innovation that works with rapid speed due to an eight-core processor and 24 gigabytes of RAM. You tap on anything, and there’s not going to be lag. You’re immediately transported to the place you chose to go in the infotainment system.

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The graphics are also gorgeous, but again, it’s a little bit Much. There’s a screen for the driver, one of the passenger, and a tall screen in the center, and in those latter two, you can access everything from radio controls to vehicle settings to satellite maps to photo galleries to video games. I did poke around the Tetris game and found it took a while to load but was otherwise fun. I still can’t imagine myself using an infotainment screen instead of my phone for gaming, though.

Even worse, you still get a lot of glare, despite the fact that Mercedes tried its best to avoid that. There’s not really anything you’re going to be able to do about the reflection of the sun when it’s especially bright.

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You can also navigate with conversational commands after saying, “Hey Mercedes.” As in, you can say something like, “Hey Mercedes, I want coffee,” and your car will find you the nearest coffee spots. I used to hate voice commands because it was next to impossible to actually get what you were asking for, but this modern iteration that you see on luxury cars has really changed the game. I don’t have to think up the robotic command I’d need to change the radio station. I can just say it.

The digital dashboard was also one hell of a feature. You can cycle through tons of different displays, most of which are just mind boggling. You can literally have your navigation map displayed on your dashboard — and I don’t mean you get a little box that has navigation. The whole screen turns into a map. I’m sure some folks will enjoy it, but it was massively overwhelming for me.

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As was the augmented reality navigation, which feels a little bit more video game-y than anything else. Maybe I’m just too old to appreciate these things.

Image for article titled First Drive: The 2022 Mercedes-Benz EQS450+ Is A Beautiful Electric Porpoise
Photo: Elizabeth Blackstock

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The Verdict

It’s difficult to offer a verdict for a car that I can’t compare to the other vehicles in its class, I can say that the 2022 Mercedes-Benz EQS450+ is a delightful vehicle that transforms much of what makes Mercedes special into a flagship luxury sedan — but it does feel like the German automaker couldn’t decide what it wanted to do. It tried to combine modern austerity with Benz’s traditional elegance, and it works… but it’s probably not going to work for everyone. It didn’t work for me, but it could very well work for you. And you know what? I respect a delightfully polarizing car.

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Image for article titled First Drive: The 2022 Mercedes-Benz EQS450+ Is A Beautiful Electric Porpoise
Photo: Elizabeth Blackstock

Image for article titled First Drive: The 2022 Mercedes-Benz EQS450+ Is A Beautiful Electric Porpoise
Photo: Elizabeth Blackstock

Tesla’s Latest FSD Beta Doesn’t Seem Ready For Public Use, Which Raises Big Questions

What I like about this test is that it presents a very good mix of everyday, normal driving situations in an environment with a good mix of traffic density, road complexity, lighting conditions, road markings, and more. In short, reality, the same sort of entropy-heavy reality all of us live in and where we expect our machines to work.

There’s a lot that FSD does that’s impressive when you consider that this is an inert mass of steel and rubber and silicon that’s effectively driving on its own through a crowded city. We’ve come a long way since Stanley the Toureg finished the DARPA Challenge back in 2006, and there’s so much to be impressed by.

At the same time, this FSD beta proves to be a pretty shitty driver, at least in this extensive test session.

Anyone arguing that FSD in its latest state drives better than a human is either delusional, high from the fumes of their own raw ardor for Elon Musk or needs to find better-driving humans to hang out with.

FSD drives in a confusing, indecisive way, making all kinds of peculiar snap decisions and generally being hard to read and predict to other drivers around them. Which is a real problem.

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Drivers expect a certain baseline of behaviors and reactions from the cars around them. That means there’s not much that’s more dangerous to surrounding traffic than an unpredictable driver, which this machine very much is.

And that’s when it’s driving at least somewhat legally; there are several occasions in this video where traffic laws were actually broken, including two instances of the car attempting to drive the wrong way down a street and into oncoming traffic.

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Nope, not great.

In the comments, many people have criticized Kyle, the driver/supervisor, for allowing the car to make terrible driving decisions instead of intervening. The reasoning for this ranges from simple Tesla-fan-rage to the need for disengagements to help the system learn, to concern that by not correcting the mistakes, Kyle is potentially putting people in danger.

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They’re also noting that the software is very clearly unfinished and in a beta state, which, is pretty clearly true as well.

These are all reasonable points. Well, the people just knee-jerk shielding Elon’s Works from any scrutiny aren’t reasonable, but the other points are, and they bring up bigger issues.

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Specifically, there’s the fundamental question about whether or not it makes sense to test an unfinished self-driving system on public roads, surrounded by people, in or out of other vehicles, that did not agree to participate in any sort of beta testing of any kind.

You could argue that a student driver is a human equivalent of beta testing our brain’s driving software, though when this is done in any official capacity, there’s a professional driving instructor in the car, sometimes with an auxiliary brake pedal, and the car is often marked with a big STUDENT DRIVER warning.

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Image for article titled Tesla's Latest FSD Beta Doesn't Seem Ready For Public Use, Which Raises Big Questions
Image: JDT/Tesla/YouTUbe

I’ve proposed the idea of some kind of warning lamp for cars under machine control, and I still think that’s not a bad idea, especially during the transition era we find ourselves in.

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Of course, in many states, you can teach your kid to drive on your own without any special permits. That context is quite similar to FSD beta drivers since they don’t have any special training beyond a regular driver’s license (and no, Tesla’s silly Safety Score does not count as special training).

In both cases, you’re dealing with an unsure driver who may not make good decisions, and you may need to take over at a moment’s notice. On an FSD-equipped Tesla (or really any L2-equipped car), taking over should be easy, in that your hands and other limbs should be in position on the car’s controls, ready to take over.

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In the case of driving with a kid, this is less easy, though still possible. I know because I was once teaching a girlfriend of the time how to drive and had to take control of a manual old Beetle from the passenger seat. You can do it, but I don’t recommend it.

Of course, when you’re teaching an uncertain human, you’re always very, very aware of the situation and nothing about it would give you a sense of false confidence that could allow your attention to waver. This is a huge problem with Level 2 semi-automated systems, though, and one I’ve discussed at length before.

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As far as whether or not the FSB beta needs driver intervention to “learn” about all the dumb things it did wrong, I’m not entirely sure this is true. Tesla has mentioned the ability to learn in “shadow mode” which would eliminate the need for FSD to be active to learn driving behaviors by example.

As far as Kyle’s willingness to let FSD beta make its bad decisions, sure, there are safety risks, but it’s also valuable to see what it does to give an accurate sense of just what the system is capable of. He always stepped in before things got too bad, but I absolutely get that this in no way represents safe driving.

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At the same time, showing where the system fails helps users of FSD have a better sense of the capabilities of what they’re using so they can attempt to understand how vigilant they must be.

This is all really tricky, and I’m not sure yet of the best practice solution here.

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This also brings up the question of whether Tesla’s goals make sense in regard to what’s known as their Operational Design Domain (ODD), which is just a fancy way of saying “where should I use this?”

Tesla has no restrictions on their ODD, as referenced in this tweet:

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This raises a really good point: should Tesla define some sort of ODD?

I get that their end goal is Level 5 full, anywhere, anytime autonomy, a goal that I think is kind of absurd. Full Level 5 is decades and decades away. If Tesla freaks are going to accuse me of literally having blood on my hands for allegedly delaying, somehow, the progress of autonomous driving, then you’d think the smartest move would be to restrict the ODD to areas where the system is known to work better (highways, etc) to allow for more automated deployment sooner.

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That would make the goal more Level 4 than 5, but the result would be, hopefully, safer automated vehicle operation, and, eventually, safer driving for everyone.

Trying to make an automated vehicle work everywhere in any condition is an absolutely monumental task, and there’s still so so much work to do. Level 5 systems are probably decades away, at best. Restricted ODD systems may be able to be deployed much sooner, and maybe Tesla should be considering doing that, just like many other AV companies (Waymo, Argo, and so on) are doing.

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We’re still in a very early transition period on this path to autonomy, however that turns out. Videos like these, that show real-world behavior of such systems, problems and all, are very valuable, even if we’re still not sure on the ethics of making them.

All I know is that now is the time to question everything, so don’t get bullied by anyone.

Something About Tesla’s Model S Plaid Nürburgring Run Doesn’t Sit Right

Musk May Have Lied About Modifications For The Plaid’s Ring Run

Twitter user @Benshooter later walked back the accusation of Musk lying about the record. Tesla posted onboard video to its own YouTube channel of the record run, and it appears that the only modification made was to put an aftermarket digital gauge readout in front of the driver, even retaining the stock yoke steering wheel. The video was also posted to The ‘Ring’s YouTube channel, corroborating the authenticity of the record. The official lap time for this onboard video is 7:35.579.

So what gives? What’s with the other time listed, a 7:30.909? Clearly Tesla has more speed up its sleeve. Judging by the onboard video being set in a red car, it appears Tesla may have had two red cars on hand, one stock and one seriously modified. There was also at least one black car on hand as well. Maybe Tesla ran several iterations of the Plaid at the track, including some future track-focused version with carbon ceramic brakes and a round steering wheel.

With the results having been certified as a record by the necessary officials, Tesla seems to have gone through the motions of getting this done the right way. There’s no reason not to be a little skeptical of Elon Musk claims, but at least this time it appears that everything is on the up and up. It’s a little sketchy that Elon didn’t explain the actual “record” was the slower of the two lap times he posted on Twitter, but it’s entirely possible he doesn’t know the difference.

I Figured Out How Chevy Can Sell A Ton Of Bolts And It Involves Tesla

Illustration for article titled I Figured Out How Chevy Can Sell A Ton Of Bolts And It Involves Tesla

Screenshot: Chevrolet/Jason Torchinsky/Tesla

By now you’ve possibly heard that there’s a new Chevy Bolt coming, and it’s going to have a very competitive range of 259 miles and a very competitive price of just under $32,000. You likely haven’t heard all that much about it because even though it’s a modern, capable EV built by a company that’s been building cars in quantity for over a century, it’s not a Tesla. And, as a not-Tesla EV, nobody gives a shit about it. But I have a plan to fix that, a way for Chevy to really sell a crapton of Bolts. And it involves a whole new kind of engineering.

You’ve heard of reverse engineering, right? Where a company takes a competitor’s product and figures out how it works? And you of course know about badge engineering, where a carmaker slaps its name on some other carmaker’s car to somehow make money, yeah? Well, consider this concept: reverse brand engineering.

What I’m suggesting is that Chevrolet needs to work out a licensing deal with Tesla that lets them offer an option to sell people Bolts re-branded as a Tesla. Let’s call it the Tesla Model 2.

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It could be one of the Bolt’s trim packages, like this:

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Screenshot: Chevrolet

The TLS trim package is the one we’re talking about here. This package would offer a full Chevy badge/bowtie delete, ideally even in the little white print in the corners of the windows, too. No Chevy badging anywhere, as that will all be replaced with Tesla badges, which includes a new faux-grille panel without Chevy’s distinctive diamond pattern.

So, we’d go from this:

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Screenshot: Chevrolet

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…to this:

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Screenshot: Chevrolet/Jason Torchinsky/Tesla

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Just the nose badge, the “grille” panel, and a Tesla badge on the tailgate, along with a MODEL 2 badge. Oh, and wheels without the Chevy logo.

There would be an adapter included so you could charge your disguised Bolt at any Tesla Supercharger station, and then be able to rub well-lotion’d, world-saving elbows with fellow Tesla owners, where you can talk about Bitcoin and make jokes with the numbers 69 and 420 in them.

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Also, all of the Bolt’s instruments will get a UI re-skin to match Tesla’s look-and-feel (this is easy! It’s just software on a screen!) and the Bolt’s center-stack infotainment display screen will get a similar makeover, along with some ability to run Tesla infotainment applications, like the one that makes fart sounds or shows a fireplace or plays Atari games. 

Hardware permitting, it should just run some licensed variant of Tesla’s infotainment software, but even if it’s just emulated or copied, that’ll probably be just fine.

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Also, it should have GM’s SuperCruise Level 2 semi-autonomy system installed, just re-named Autopilot SC. This could be considered an upgrade, depending on who you ask, even.

Another very important part here is the very obviously Tesla-branded key fob. This should be big and showy and unmistakably Tesla. The key is key.

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All that, plus a glossy 8×10 headshot of Elon Musk, ideally signed and with some sort of Tesla Certificate of Authenticity printed on the back, to be produced in case of arguments from gate-keeping Tesla owners, should complete the package.

I’m telling you, with this package, Chevy will move Bolts like they were electric hotcakes. It’s got everything people want in a modern electric car: a Tesla badge!

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Plus, unlike a Tesla-built Tesla, the Model 2 will have bumpers that stay on in the rain and novel Sta-Put™ roofs and the parts and service side of things won’t be a total mess.

As far as what Tesla gets out of it, I guess it’s mostly money from their sweet licensing deal with GM, and an entry-level model below the Model 3 on the road with zero effort from them. Plus, plenty of brand visibility, too!

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Also, it may help Tesla’s perceived reliability, kind of like how Pontiac benefited that way when it sold Toyota Matrixes as Pontiac Vibes. Kinda.

This is really Chevy’s best bet to finally get people buying Bolts, because, as we’ve already seen with the perfectly fine first-gen Bolt, nobody really gives a rat’s rectum about them. But mainstream culture is absolutely smitten with Tesla, for reasons that transcend logic.

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Why fight it, Chevy? Just pay Elon some cash and start slapping Tesla Ts on your Bolts, and watch those things fly off the lots. You think I’m kidding, but deep down, you know there’s some painful truth here.

As always, you can just Venmo me my cut.

Tesla Is Alleging Sabotage Again

Illustration for article titled Tesla Is Alleging Sabotage Again

Photo: Getty Images (Getty Images)

You might remember a different time, the summer of 2018, when Elon Musk said that Tesla had a saboteur on its hands. That set off a legal battle that may have finally ended last month. Tesla said this week it had uncovered a new alleged saboteur.

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The details are pretty scant, but this is what Bloomberg got after obtaining an internal memo:

“Two weeks ago, our IT and InfoSec teams determined that an employee had maliciously sabotaged a part of the factory,” [Al Prescott, Tesla’s vice president of legal and acting general counsel] wrote. “Their quick actions prevented further damage and production was running smoothly again a few hours later.”

More than 10,000 people work at Tesla’s auto plant in Fremont, where the company makes the S, X, 3 and Y models. It was not immediately clear if Tesla handled the incident internally or reached out to law-enforcement agencies for assistance. A spokeswoman for the Fremont Police Department said Tuesday that they have not responded to any incident that matches these circumstances. The San Francisco office of the FBI did not immediately respond to a request for comment.

The employee, who was not named, allegedly sought to “cover up his tracks,” blame a co-worker and destroy a company computer, the email said. “Ultimately, after being shown the irrefutable evidence, the employee confessed. As a result, we terminated employment.”

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Which is about all we know for now, though when sabotage was alleged in the 2018 case, CEO Elon Musk wrote the following in an internal email:

As you know, there are a long list of organizations that want Tesla to die. These include Wall Street short-sellers, who have already lost billions of dollars and stand to lose a lot more. Then there are the oil & gas companies, the wealthiest industry in the world — they don’t love the idea of Tesla advancing the progress of solar power & electric cars. Don’t want to blow your mind, but rumor has it that those companies are sometimes not super nice. Then there are the multitude of big gas/diesel car company competitors. If they’re willing to cheat so much about emissions, maybe they’re willing to cheat in other ways?

And this is actually one area in which I think that Musk’s suspicions aren’t totally unjustified. Remember that weird ransomware case from August?

Tulsa Dresses Up Their Big Creepy Statue To Look Like Big Creepy Elon Musk In Hopes Of Getting The Cybertruck Mill

Illustration for article titled Tulsa Dresses Up Their Big Creepy Statue To Look Like Big Creepy Elon Musk In Hopes Of Getting The Cybertruck Mill

Ever since Elon Musk introduced the radical-looking electric Tesla Cybertruck late last year by smashing its windows in front of a crowd, one thing has been certain: Tesla will have to build them if they want to sell them. I did the math, it’s true. Tesla is planning on building the Cybertruck in an all-new Cybertruck Gigafactory, the location of which seems to have been narrowed to two candidates: Austin, Texas, and Tulsa, Oklahoma. In an effort to entice Tesla, Tulsa has dressed up their most famous landmark as Elon Musk, and it’s, um, interesting.

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The landmark in question is a 76-foot tall statue of an oil worker known as the Golden Driller, which, in its current form, dates from 1966, and was originally built for a 1953 trade show at the Tulsa State Fairgrounds by a company called Mid-Continent Supply Company of Fort Worth, Texas.

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After a couple of revisions, the final, stoic-looking version was permanently installed in front of the Tulsa Expo Center, now able to withstand 200 mph winds while looking ripped and pissed off.

The Golden Driller has this inscription on its base:

The Golden Driller, a symbol of the International Petroleum Exposition. Dedicated to the men of the petroleum industry who by their vision and daring have created from God’s abundance a better life for mankind.

It is, of course, pretty ironic to see a literal golden idol of petroleum being used to entice construction of an electric car factory.

While the Golden Driller has been used in advertising before, being dressed up with shirts and ties and perhaps a colossal ascot or two over the years, the transformation into a much-more-buff Elon Musk represents the first time that the Driller’s face has been altered, with something workers called “Elon Musk’s face skin.”

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I don’t feel so good.

Is this the kind of thing that’s likely to sway the opinion of Elon Musk? By making a colossal golden statue of him, lording over all creation?

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Eh, I could see it working.

How to Reboot Your Tesla Model 3

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Are you interested in learning how to reboot your Tesla Model 3? First, let me tell you a little story…

I had to call tech support from my desk at work a while ago. Our conversation went something like this:

Tech Guy: “Good morning, this is tech support. How can I help you?”

Me: “Good morning. I’m having trouble accessing my network drive.”

Tech Guy: “Okay sir, I can help you with that. Did you try restarting your computer?”

Me: “RESTARTING MY COMPUTER? WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? THE NETWORK DRIVE IS NOT BEING RECOGNIZED? HOW IS IT GOING TO HELP TO RESTART MY COMPUTER?!!!!”

Tech Guy: “Sir, will you please stop screaming and try it.”

Me (after restarting my computer): “That worked, thanks a bunch!”

Cars + Computers

If you’re like me you struggle with computers on a daily basis. Love it or hate it, most cars today have computers integrated into them in some fashion. The Tesla Model 3 is no exception. Tesla is a very unique car company as we mentioned here. Tesla’s Model 3 is somewhat phenomenal in that the touchscreen found in the center console allows the driver to control just about every facet of the car from this device.  Mike Hanley of Cars.com put it this way:

“From its focus exclusively on electric cars to the way it sells and services them, Tesla has charted its own course nearly every step of the way. Knowing that, it’s not surprising that the automaker wouldn’t feel compelled to put a traditional 8- or 10-inch screen in the dashboard of its Model 3 compact luxury sedan. Instead, the Model 3 has a 15-inch touchscreen mounted in front of the dashboard that’s the main interface for most vehicle systems — everything from the direction of the dashboard vents to the navigation system.”

Help! Where’s Tech Support?

So what happens when your system isn’t behaving and you need to reboot your Tesla Model 3? You can call Tesla’s support center at 877-798-3752. Please show them more kindness than I showed my company’s tech dude. You can also try to reboot the system and get things back to normal. When it comes to rebooting your system, there are essentially three options: soft, hard, and what I like to call ludicrous. We here at enrg.io highly recommend that you start with a soft reboot and progress to a hard reboot if that doesn’t work. We will tell you about the ludicrous method but can’t recommend that you try it. As the name suggests, it should only be attempted by the criminally insane…

Soft Reboot

The simplest and easiest reboot is the soft reboot. If the touchscreen in your Model 3 is acting up, or you’re having connectivity problems with your Bluetooth device, try this method. Think of this option as being similar to re-starting your smartphone when it is giving you grief. Follow these steps in order:

  1. Put your car in park.
  2. Hold down the scrolling buttons on your steering wheel. After a few seconds, your touchscreen should turn off.
  3. After a short weight (usually around 30 or 40 seconds) the iconic Tesla emblem will appear on the touchscreen and your home screen will appear automatically.

While you can technically perform this reboot while the car is in operation, it isn’t recommended that you do so. It is always best to stay distraction free while driving and wait until you can find a safe place to park before rebooting.  Although YouTuber “LivingTesla” isn’t able to solve his particular problem in the video below, he does succeed in providing an excellent demonstration on performing a soft reboot in the Model 3. You can check out this video here:

[embedded content]

Hard Reboot

If your issue is not fixed by performing a soft reboot, try a hard reboot. Instead of just restarting the touchscreen, a hard reboot will power down both your touchscreen and the car’s Central Processing Unit (CPU) and then power them up again. Follow these steps to perform this type of reboot:

  1. Put your car in park.
  2. Hold down the scrolling buttons on your steering wheel just as you did with the soft reboot but also depress the brake pedal.
  3. After the touchscreen shuts off, continue to hold down the scrolling buttons and the brake until the Tesla emblem re-appears.
  4. Your car will once again be ready to drive after all systems are turned back on.

Unlike with the soft reboot, this type of reset CANNOT UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES be performed while the car is in operation. Doing so could cause your car to be disabled, cause a dangerous situation, and make other motorists very angry with you.

Check out this concise and easy to follow videos from Matthew and Rodrigo of the “Electric Gains” YouTube channel for a demo:

[embedded content]

Ludicrous Reboot

If both soft and hard reboots don’t fix the problem, fear not dear readers! There is a third option. Crazy you say? Sure. Just crazy enough to work. The ludicrous reboot is not recommended by Tesla or enrg.io, but it does exist and it is floating around on the web. Because it is already out there, I feel okay writing about it. To perform this reboot follow these steps:

  1. Put your car in park.
  2. Open the front hood and take the cover off of the 12-volt batter that is near the windshield.
  3. Using a 10-mm wrench (yes it must be 10-mm, no other size will do) unhook the cable from the terminal of the 12-volt battery.
  4. Wait 30 seconds and re-attach the cable.

Apparently, this solution was discovered by Tesla mechanics, but Tesla won’t endorse it as a viable option because it involves actually monkeying with the 12-volt battery and they don’t want you doing that. If you’re brave enough to try however, it is guaranteed to completely shut-down and re-start your car. If you’d like a video tutorial on the process, check out this one from YouTuber “Tech Forum:”

[embedded content]

Anyone out there ever have the need to reboot your Tesla Model 3? Did you perform a soft reboot or a hard reboot? Any of you crazy cats ever dare to attempt the ludicrous reboot? Any other tips or ticks you have for getting your car’s computer back up and running? Please leave us a comment and share your thoughts.

Source | Image: Tesla

Source | Videos: LivingTesla, Electric Gains, and Tech Forum via YouTube